alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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