i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
