This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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