I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
