1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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