Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Rumble strips road head = magical
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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