Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You took a bar mat shot.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
