maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
