My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
