she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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