there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
