can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Dicks are not precious.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
