I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
