So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
