come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
