Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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