I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
now i know why i became what i already was.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
