i wish starbucks made bloody marys
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just took my morning after pill in the library
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
