And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
