why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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