sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
