I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
