guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
