Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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