I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
