fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize
