i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
