so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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