this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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