Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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