This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
