DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
