I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
