Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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