plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
as a side note pls kill me
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
