So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
