The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
