Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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