Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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