I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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