I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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