I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
