Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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