Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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