Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
