you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
