Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
