Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Randomize
