Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
