On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
jump out the window naked night went bad
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