Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
