so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
