3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
