Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
