he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
