dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I think I just sharted jello shots
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
