hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
