you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
